Wednesday 24 September 2014

Hrithik Roshan Trolled – After Suzzane’s Alimony Demand


Hrithik Roshan trolled on whatsapp

Salman Khan Vs Suzzane Roshan – #Kick

Salman khan made KICK to earn 200 Crores

Suzzane Gave KICK, will get 400 Crores

#PoorHrithik

Sabse Tez Udne Wala Pakshi

Teacher – kaunsa panchhi sabse tez udta hai?

Boy – sir … haathi

Teacher – nalayak! Tera baap kya karta hai?

Boy – chhota rajan ke gang mey shooter hai.

Teacher – shabash! !! Bachho likho Haathi.. 

WhatsApp Joke – Bollywood Hindi Songs & Their Medical Meanings

Hindi Songs & their Medical Meanings:-

Jiya Jale Jaan Jale, Raat Bhar Dhuan Chale..
Fever

Tadap Tadap Ke Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi..
Heart Attack

Suhani Raat Dhal Chuki, Na Jaane Tum Kab Aoge..
Constipation

Bidi Jalayle Jigar Se Piya Jigar Ma Badi Aag Hai..
Acidity

Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Main Kya Karoon..
Cataract

Tuje Yaad Na Meri Aayi Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna..
Alzheimer?s

Mann Dole Mera Tann Dole..
Vertigo

Tip-Tip Barsa Pani, Pani Ne Aag Lagayi..
Urinary Infection

Dil Dhadak-Dhadak Ke Keh Raha Hai..
Hypertension

Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen Par Nahi Padte Mere..
Corn On Feet

Haay-Re-Haay Neend Nahi Aaye..
Insomnia

Batana Bhi Nahi Aata, Chupana Bhi Nahi Aata..
Piles

And Sabse Mast

Lagi Aaj Saawan Ki Phir Wo Zadi Hai..
Loose Motion

Hasso Mat, jaldi Share karo..
Beemari purani hain, Joke naya hai

MBBS Students In Anatomy Class

1st year MBBS students were attending their 1st anatomy class.

They all gathered around the table with real dead body.
The professor started the class by telling them two important qualities as a doctor.

The 1st is that never be disgusted about anything regarding the body e.g. he inserted his finger in the body’s nose & on drawing back, put the finger in his own mouth & tasted it.

Then he told the students to do the same.

The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body’s nose & tasted it.

When everyone finished the professor looked at them & said :The most important 2nd quality is Observation.

I inserted my middle finger but tasted the index finger. Now learn to pay attention!

All students : shitttt !!

Hanuman Jee Ki Patang

Ek din Hanuman jee patang uda rhe the

Upar se yamraj ne patang ki kanni kaat di

Hanuman jee bole

“Mangal bhawan amangal hari,
niche aaebe to tohar patak ke maari”

Boy Trolled By A Girl In A Park

Boy and girl were sitting in a park

2 dogs kissed each other

Boy – jaanu agar tum bura Na mano to main bhi?

.

Girl- ok, par sambhal ke..
kahi, kutta kaat na le.\

Funny WhatsApp Text – Boyfriend To Ex-Girlfriend


new boyfriend of ex-girlfriend trolled

April Fool Joke – Bachcha Aur Mummy

Chota Bachcha (Pappu) Bhaga-Bhaga Maa Ke Pass Aaya Aur Bola..

Mummy-Mummy, Naukar Kitchen Mein Naukrani Ko Kiss Kar Raha Hai

Mummy Ye Sun Ke Kaam Chhod Ke Kitchen Mein Jane Lagi Aur Boli..

Mummy: Ruk Ja Abhi Uska Dimag Thikane Lagati Hoon

Pappu Tali Bajate Hue Bola:
Mummy, April fool!! Wo Naukar Nahi Wo To Papa The 

Pappu Ki Girlriend

Pappu apni girlfriend se bola:
Ameer se Ameer aadmi bhi mere pitaaji ke saamne katora lekar khada rehta hai!

Girlfriend: Phir to tumhare pitaji bahut ameer honge!

Pappu: Nahin, wo Golgappe bechte hain

Funny – Driving In Punjab

DRIVING IN PUNJAB.

(1)The one who drives faster than you gets: “Vekh kiwen agg laggi aa kanjar nu…”

(2)The one who drives slower than you gets: “Gaddi chalauni aundi nai.. Par laini zaroor aa..”.

(3)And finally the one who drives equal to you: “Achha, Peo naal raceaan!!!” 

Chalaak Aadmi Aur Bhagwan

Ek aadmi boat se kahi ja raha tha…
achanak se zor se hawa challi aur uski boat palat gayi.!

Usey tairna nhi aata tha..
Woh prarthana krne laga
“Bhagwan, agar mujhe bacha liya toh me garibo mei 21 kilo laddu batunga.!”

fir zor se hawa chali aur ek badi si lehere usey zamin pe le gayi.
Woh khada hua, aur haste hue upar dekh ke bola,

“Haha, kaise laddu, kaunse laddu..?”

Fir zor se hawa chali aur ek badi leher ne usey wapis pani mei kheech liya.
Wo banda fir chilla ke bola..

“Matlab main puch raha tha besan ke ya boondi ke..?”

DAAG Achhe Hain

Ek Cute se bachhe ko dekh kar Ek Ladki ne uske Gaal par KISS kar diya

Ladki: I am Sorry, Apke Gaal par Lipstik Lag gayi

Bachchaa: It’s OK baby, “Kuch achha karne se agar DAAG lagte hain to DAAG achhe hain”

Bus Ke Darwaze Par

Pappu roz bus ke darwaje par khada hoke traval karta tha..

Ek din

Bus conductor : tu roz darvaze mein kadha rehta hein,
Tera baap kahin pe choukidar hein kya?

Pappu replies :
tu roz paise mangta hai, to tera baap pehle bhikari tha kya…! 

Modern Bhikhari Aur Dadi Ma Joke

Bhikhari:
Daadi roti dijiye.. khaane ke liye

Daadi:
Abhi taiyaar nahin hui, baad mein aana..

Bhikhari:
95 95 97 97 98
Yeh mera mobile number hai,
Taiyaar hote hi missed call kar dena

“Bhikhari rocks, Daadi shocks”

—-
Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost..

Daadi:
Arey missed call kya karna
Thodi der ke baad jab roti ban jayegi
To whatsapp par upload kar dungi,
Download karke kha lena!!

.
Ab Daadi rocks!, Bhikhari Shocks!

A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class



A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"
The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."
So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the answer?"
The boys answers, "The pupil of the eye."
"That's right," says the teacher. Then he turns to the girl and says, "Two things are obvious. First, you didn't study your lesson last night. Second, you wedding night is going to be a terrible disappointment to you."

Tuesday 23 September 2014

A police officer pulls over a speeding car

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘I clocked you at 120 km/h sir.’
The driver says, ‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’
The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit. The man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘Fk it woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’
The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’
The driver says, ‘Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.
The wife says, ‘Now dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks,‘WHY DON’T YOU shut the fk up?
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma’am?’
The Wife replies, ‘Only when he’s drunk.’

List of 100 Jokes

1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
12_Feminism.
13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.
15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.
17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.
18_How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
21_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.
22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.
25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
26_What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.
27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.
28_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.
29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.
30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.
31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
32_What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.
36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.
39_A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.
41_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.
42_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.
46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.
49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.
50_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.
51_What do you say when you see your T.V. floating in the middle of the night? Drop it nigger!!
52_Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? I can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
53_How do you blindfold a Chinese man? Dental floss!
54_Why are black people so fast? Because all the slow one are in the jail.
55_What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
56_Why do brides wear a white dress? So that the dishwasher matches the washing machine.
57_What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill? A jail break.
58_What's faster than a nigga stealing your TV? His brother with your xbox.
59_What's the toughest thing about eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on.
60_What do you call an ethiopian with a bag of rice? A restaurant owner.
61_How can you tell if a nigga is pregnant? Have her squat on a watermelon and check it for teeth marks.
62_What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.
63_What's the difference between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.
64_What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.
65_How do you make a gay fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.
66_What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.
67_What does a nigga and an apple have in common? Both look great hanging from a tree.
68_the parents of the sandy hook victims should of kept the Christmas receipts.
69_ Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.
70_ How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple food to the ceiling.
71_ Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
72_What's the most confusing day in Detroit? Father's day.
73_What's the hardest part of watching a school bus full of kindergarteners go off a cliff? The erection.
74_What's black and blue, and scares mothers everywhere? Crib death.
75_What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an ethiopian? A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
76_Fat logic.
77_What's faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon.
78_How did Hitler kill so many Jews? Free transportation.
79_What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to shoot and the other is fun to eat.
80_How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor.
81_Black dads coming home.
82_How do you get a dead baby out of a blender? Nachos.
83_How do you stop a Mexican tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.
84_I just gave my sister head. First time eating cheese.
85_How do you fuck a special person? You go down.
86_Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Cause it wasn't born yesterday.
87_Why did Hitler kill himself? He got the gas bill.
88_How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS.
89_How did Jesus walk on water? Shit floats.
90_How does a black woman fight crime? She gets an abortion.
91_How do you drown a nigga? You pop their lips.
92_Why can't Mexicans play UNO? They steal all of green cards.
93_What's the worst thing about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven.
94_What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An erection.
95_What do fat chicks and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
96_What's pale, white, and bounces up and down in a baby's crib? A pedophile's ass.
97_What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
98_How do you get a white girl to suck your dick? Put mayonnaise on it.
99_What's the difference between a nigger and a pile of dog shit? Eventually the pile of dog shit will turn white and stop stinking.
100_What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down a baby's throat.

Girlfriend Ka Birthday

Ek ladke ki girlfriend ka birthday tha

Wo city se bahar tha isliye usne uske liye 24 gulab ke phool book kar diye :

Usne apni gf ko phone per kaha....
maine tumhare liye utne hi rose ke flowers bheje hain jitne years ki tum aaj ho gayi ho..

Udhr phoolwale ne socha – in bhai sahab ne pehli bar meri shop se order kiya h 10 phool jyada dunga to agli bar bhi yahi aayenge. ….and usne 24 ki jagah 34 flowers bhijwa diye

ladka BECHARA aaj tak nhi samajh paya ki akhir uska breakup kyun hua!

Gujrati, Madrasi And Sardaar

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a Sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were having lunch and Gujju opened his lunch box & said, “Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I’m going to jump off too.”
The Sardaar opened his lunch and said, “Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.
The Sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, Gujju’s wife was weeping..
She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Madrasi’s wife also wept
and said, “I could have given him dossa!I didn’t realize he hated idli sambhar so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the Santa Sardaar’s wife.
.
.

The Sardar’s wife said,
“Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.” 

Rearranging Letters Make These Names Funny

This has got to be one of the cleverest messages I’ve received in a while,

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!)

1. DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
A SPARKLING DRIVE

2. PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

3. MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

4. DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

5. ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

6. DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

7. THE EYES
When you rearrange
THEY SEE

8. A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I M A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE

9. MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER…

Never Mess With Kids

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane.
The man turned to him and said, “Let’s talk”.
Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ?
Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power?
Kid:
Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question…
Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps.
Why?
Man: I don’t know.

Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don’t know shit.. ?

Funny Memsaab – Kamwali Bai Joke

Aaj Jo ek aurat ke sath hua woh kisi dushman ke saath bhi na ho…

Subhah uthi?…..

breakfast banaya

lunch banaya

bachoo ko khilaya :

Pati ko khilaya.

unhe tayaar karke, tiffin deke bheja!

Joothe bartan ikhatha karke rakh diye!

kapde washing machine mein daal diye..

Phir shower lene chali gai!

bahar nikalkar nail paint lagayi!!

hair dry kiye..

Red suit pehna…

kajal lagaya…

lipstick lagai..

hair style kiya…

Bus duppata hi lene wali thi!!

…Ki uska mobile baja!!

jaise hi usne phone uthaya..

Usse laga jaise kisine garam lohe ka hathoda uske kaan par maar diya ho

aur chillayi…

Kya…??

Kya…..??

Kya bol rahi hai tu ??

Udhar se aawaz aayi: Memsaab mereko bukhar hai ….ajj kaam par nahi aaugi….!!

NAHIIIIIIIIIII….. memsaab behosh!!

Hindi Jokes – Aajkal Ki Generation Ke Bachche

KID FAILS IN EXAM

Father: Aaj Se Mujhe Papa Mat Kehna…!

Son:
Oh, come On Dad,
It Was Just A ‘School Test’
Not A “DNA” Test…!

————————-

Teacher : Murgiyo ki taange chhoti kyu hoti hai ?

Son of Sardar : Sir, agar murgiyo ki taange Lambi hoti to Ande itne upar se gir kar toot jate na...

————————

Teacher- Chaand par pehla kadam kisne rakha?

Pappu – NEIL ARMSTRONG.

Teacher- Aur doosra ??

Pappu- doosra bhi usi ne rakha hoga….. Langdi taang khelne thode na gaya tha woh!

————————-

Teacher – paani me rahne vale 5 jeevo ke naam batao.?

Pappu – Mendak

Teacher – very good, baaki char bolo..

Pappu –
uski maa,
uska baap,
uski behan aur
uska bhai!!

Latest Alia Bhatt Funny Jokes

Alia RETURNS

Media: Where were you born?
Alia: India ..
Media: which part?
Alia: What, which part? Whole body was born in India .

——————————-

Alia and Pooja were fixing a bomb in a car.
Pooja: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Alia: Don’t worry, I have one more.

——————————-

Alia: What is the name of your car?
Pooja: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.
Alia: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

——————————-

Alia joined new job.
1st day she worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Alia: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

——————————-

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken..
Alia: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

——————————-

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Alia: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

——————————-

Alia: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Alia: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ?All India Radio! ?

——————————-

NOW THE LAST ONE ULTIMATE:

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Alia: An old king’s skeleton.
Tourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?
Alia: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.

Top Funny PJ Jokes From WhatsApp

Q1. Prasad ask’s Kumble to bring a pepsi…
Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
why ??

Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener (Obviously, this Joke is old, as Tendulkar is already retired

—————-

Q2. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie ‘heart is umbrella’…

Which movie did he really want to see..?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai…!

—————-

Q3. Woh kya hai jo Dil mein hain, Mann mein hai par Dhadkan mein nahi?

Ans:- Arey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

—————-

Q4. What will you call a person who is leaving India ??

Socho……………

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

—————-

Q5. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha uska naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas?

—————-

Q6. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!

—————-

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?

OK lot’s of head scratching done…

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!

—————-

Q7. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..

nahi pata..??

Ans:- D’Cold
(Chain ki saans – D’cold )

—————-

Q8. Chalo ab batao… Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai?

this is quite simple..

Ans:- D’Cold again…
Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi…

Funny Joke On Teachers

Teacher in class:
Suno bachcho kal tum logo ka group photo shoot hoga..
Sab log apne apne ghar se Rs.50/-le kar aana

Pappu (to his friend):
Saala ye sab teacher logo ki mili bhagat hoti hai..
Ek photo ke 20/- rupaye lagte hai,
aur hum logo se 50-50 rupaye liye ja rahe hai…
Matlab ek bachche se 30/- Rupye bachayenge,
matlab akele apni class me 60 bachche hai to 60*30=1800 Rs. .
khuli Loot macha rakhi hai in logo ne…

Fir hamare paiso se ye sab staff room me
baith ke samosa khayenge aur hum bachchon ko milega Ghanta…

Chal bhai tappu ghar chalte hain, kal mummy se Rs.50/- le k aana..
Bhalai ka to zamaa nahi nahi rah gaya!

.

Pappu to mom:
“Mummy kal school me group photo shoot hona hai teacher ne Rs.100/- rupye mangaye hai..

Mom: 100 rs!!
khuli loot macha rakhi hai in logo ne,,
Fir hamare paiso se ye sab aish karenge…

ruk pappu beta mei tere pappa se mangti hu…

MOM TO DAD:
are sunte ho, pappu ke school mein group photo ke liye 200/- mange hai!! :-P

———–

Happy Teacher’s Day to All our readers

Best WhatsApp Quotes On Programming Languages

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
-Michael Sinz

Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet.
-Chris Heilmann

Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them, then we pray.
-Sam Redwine

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they’re not.
-Yogi Berra

God could create the world in six days because he didn’t have to make it compatible with the previous version.
-Anonymous

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
-Edsger Dijkstra

If you try to please everyone, you won’t please anyone.
-37signals

Duplicate code is a major cause of unmaintainable scripts.
-Brian Marick

Don’t worry about the wasted effort unless you know – by measurement – that the waste is noticeable and important. Always favor the clean code you need over than the fast code you might need.
-Brian Marick

It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature.
-Anonymous

Waah Re Prabhu – Funny Bhikhari Joke

Ek Faqeer tha…
Bheekh maangne ke liye masjid ke bahar baitha tha..
Sab namaazi Ankh bacha kar chale gaye
Aur use kuchh na mila.
Wo phir church gaya,
Phir mandir
Or
Phir gurudware.
Lekin, usko kisi ne kuch na diya..
Aakhir mein wo Ek Beer bar ke bahar aa kar baith gaya..
Jo bhi sharabi bahar nikalte
woh uske katore me kuch daal dete..
Uska katora noto se bhar gaya…
Fakir bola.
“Waah re Prabhu”

Rehte kahan ho, Aur Address kahan ka Dete ho..!

Pooja Aur Namaaz Karne Wale Tote

Ek pinjare mein kuchh Tote (parrots) ek Toti ko chhed rahe the..

Jabki doosre pinjare mein Ek tota pooja aur Dusra Tota Namaaz padh raha tha!

Malik ne socha: Kitne nek tote hain, Inke pinjare mein toti surakshit rahegi.

Usne toti ko nek toto ke pinjare mein daal diya.

To pooja karne wala tota namaaz padhne wale tote se bola…

“Utho miyaan Dua kabool ho gayi!”

Ek Mareez, Doctor Aur Uski Biwi

Patient: Doctor sahab, Jaldi kuchh karo, mere pairo par ek aurat ne gaadi chadha di.
Doctor ne achche se check kiya, aur paaya ki bahut mamooli si chot hai, par mareez ghabraya hua hai!

Doctor bola: O ho, bhai operation karna padega, Bahut kharcha aayega… taiyaar ho?

Mareez: Kuchh bhi karo, jaldi karo. Kameeni ne mara hua soch kar uthaya bhi nahin!!

Itne mein hi Doctor ki biwi ka phone aa gaya…

Doctor: Hello…

Biwi: Hello chhodo, yeh batao, main kya karoon?
mujhse Car chalate mein ek aadmi mar gaya, Jai Hind chauk par!

Doctor: Aadmi ne kapde kaise pehen rakhe the?
Biwi: Hari T shirt aur kaali pant!

Doctor: O ho, To use tumne maara hai? Police khooni ko talaash karti hui ghoom rahi hai…

Patni: to ab kya karun?

Dr: Karna kya hai… 4-6 mahine ke liye Maayke bhaag ja jaldi..

Patni: Theek hai ja rahi hoon.

Mareez: Dr sahab, karo na kuchh..

Doctor: Bhai kuchh na hua tujhe… ‘
yeh le Rupaiye le.. aur 4 beer le aa..
dono piyenge…
Aur haan, hari T-shirt nikal ke jaa

These Funny 2-Liners Will Surely Give You A Good Laugh

“If the loser smiles after losing the game, the winner loses the thrill of his victory”!!
That’s the power of Smile !!

——————————

Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman……
Because Women don’t run behind Unsuccessful Men!!

——————————

‘Sympathy’… You can get from Anybody —
But..! ‘Jealousy’… You have to Earn it!

——————————

Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall ….
And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch …. It’ll move on its own!!

—————————–

Only 3 living beings are immune to cold on earth:
1. Polar bears
2. Penguins
3. Females wearing sleeveless & backless at marriages in India !

——————————

Getting bored? Need some adventure in life?
Go to a stranger’s wedding and scream…. ‘Don’t marry dear…. I still love you’!

Funny Indian Facts And Jokes

Insaan sub se zyada maafi kis ke saamane mangta hai?
Guess,
guess!

aap soch rahe ho wife??
nahin,

Bihkari ke saamne —- “Maaf karo Baba”

——————————

One economical thought:
‘The best line which helps you save money when going for dinner with your girlfriend- . . .
“Bol kya khayegi MOTI?”

——————————

Wife: Aapko meri khoobsurati zayada achi lagti hai ya aqalmandi?
Husband: Mujhey to tumhari ye mazaaq ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai..

——————————

National food of India —- “KASAM”
Sab khaate hain….

——————————

THIS is the best one

Lord Ganesha had two wives Riddhi and Siddhi….
Most men have one…. Ziddi !

Husband Jaisa Bhi Ho

Husband Jaisa Bhi Ho,,
Awara, Pagal, Deewana…

Lekin,
Jab Uska Message Aata Hai To…

Chehre Pe Ajeeb Si Smile Aati Hai.. .

Aur Biwi Ko Ehsaas Hota Hai Ke

“Tedha Hai Par Mera Hai”.

Bachcho Ki Umra Kya Hai?

Train me TT: Madam Bachcho Ki Umar Kya hai?

Madam:
2 SaaL,
2.5 SaaL
Aur 3 SaaL,

TT:
Madam Umar Chahe Kam Btao
Par “GAP” To Thik Se bolo..
Bachche hai ya pille..!! :-D

Dimag Ki Jaanch Karne Ka Upaay

Agar aap apne dimag ki jaanch karna chahte hain..
to yeh upaay apnaaiye…

Ek gaay (cow) ke saamne khade ho jayiye

Agar gaay aapke paas aati hai,
to samjh lena ki aapke dimag mein Bhoosa hai!

aur agar door chali jaati hai,
to aapka dimaag Khaali hai :-D :-P

ise kehte hain chit bhi meri, pat bhi meri ;-) SHARE karo ab!

IPhone 6 WhatsApp Jokes Are Here – Have Fun!

When u fall down and your iPhone 6 is in your pocket and u hear a crack, u’ll just be thinking “Lord pls let that be my leg” :-D ————————— Congratulations… iphone 6 launched.. The best feature of iPhone 6 is that if you hold it upside down it becomes iPhone 9 ————————— iPhone users who’ve been saying “I love my small iPhone, Android phones are too big for me” all these years…. Apple just orphaned you…!! ————————— Gujjus will not be affected by iPhone 6 launch… They will continue to flash their iPhone 4S and say “iPhone Chhe”. ————————— With the launch of iPhone 6, OLX is more excited than Apple…. as people will sell old phones, car, house etc to buy iPhone. ————————— Santa: is Apple Chinese or American? Banta: Apple is Chinese, as all iPhones look d same. ————————— Dear Apple, iPhone 6 Will Be Priced At 70k… iPhone-9 Ke Saath Kya Nano Free Milegi … ————————— iPhone’s Are Like The Golmaal Movie Every New Version Has The Same Features… But is Longer Than The Previous One..!! ————————— iPhone6 costs more than the total money Harman Baweja earned from his Bollywood career…!!

Funny Asaram Bapu Shayari

Raghupati raghav raja raam,
Jail ke andar Aasaram!
Sadhu ban ke aise kaam,
Kaidi ban ke karo Aaram!
Dekh liye apna anjaam,
Hue budhaape mein Badnaam!
Jhoote pakhandi ke naam,
Dekh ka hai yeh Paigaam!
Khud ko kehte the bhagwan,
Pakde gaye na Jhandu Balm!

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